This Isn't Russia. Is This Russia?
The music in "Lion Named Christian" is not my choice - it would never be my choice. Interesting story, but how much better could the story be without that hag howling all over the place?

As Long As I Get My Rent Money Next Friday.
Next Friday come, and I couldn't get the rent...

Play Ball!
I don't run hit-in-the-nut jokes because the first one I saw 20 years ago was the only one that was funny. I think Rolling Rock gets that too.

Slick.
Was out of town last week, so I missed the page... here are a couple extras...

People Don't Say That About You, As Far As You Know
On top of two deadlines - I'm outta here.

Railguns, Snowboards and Ninjas
These could be some of the best combinable things in the universe. Ninjas riding snowboards with rail guns on swiveling belt/body turrets a la "Drake" from Aliens.

Can't Sleep - Clowns Will Eat Me
When your head is so full of snot that you can create a snare drum with a pencil and your forehead, it's probably time to get antibiotics or something.

Any of You 'Homos' Touch Me... I'll Kill Ya
Have only 57 seconds today? Then the first one here is just for you. Also - I fixed the broken link from last week - "The Celebrities From Missouri" file is working and is worth a look.

Powerpoint Friday
A few Powerpoint entries today, and an apology to our Aussie friends - I overlooked your Aus day last month, so there is a little something to make up for it in the last entry.

Weird Stuff for Friday 13th
We've always heard the more things change, the more they stay the same. I would say this first flick today pretty much sums up what we all already know about the new president: talks a good game, but cannot, or will not, truly change anything with Washington being a bunch of wholly incompetent, befuddled, corrupted asshats. The last flick? Freaks me OUT.

Talk to the Hand
Just look at it - it's stereotypically humorous. Thanks to everyone for sending goodies in - I've received the Durex commercial a lot, which means people must like it!

The Top Five Vids from 2008 (viewed more than 100,000 times):
Auto-Shotgun | Camino Del Ray | Incident Action Report | Pussy Stripper | Dog Be Gone

Today's first vid is best seen in hi-res, so I kept it that way and it clocks in at 25MB... pull it and watch it later or whatever you need to do, but it's worth the wait to see it in full res.

Sit Around & Gather By the Fire
I question the last one because it seems too easy - if you actually do this trick for some kind of audience, how do you end up flubbing it? I do not, however, have any questions about the first video - 'cept maybe you got more 'o dat?

Gambling is Illegal at Bushwood, Sir
Pressed for time? Watch the first flick (do a shoulder / volume check first) and then the last one.

Clever Stuff
Per last week's commentary - it could always be worse. You could be part of the Waffle House Weddin' you see below. This is Georgia Son!

2009: Go Ahead and Bring It
Whatever is cooking, good and bad, let's just get it on already. I suppose it can always be worse, but really, we just need ...

I Live in the Desert, So Winter is Warm
And it rarely feels like December or January or whatever. Until now - I'm out of town in my wife's hometown of St Louis, where one of the temperatures last week was five. Five degrees. So here's some snow vids & a great lesson in classical music and miniguns.

Merry Christmas Friday Pagers
Thank you for another great year in 2008.

Simple Friday with Meager Offerings
I've received some of these a few times, so you may have seen them - maybe not.

Things That Never Pan Out (see last movie today)
Why is it when scientists pop up with some outlandish idea (remember the a-hole who figured out how to make a combustible engine run on water - it's down the list here somewhere from several months ago) that seems like it's going to revolutionize the world, they get all kinds of airplay and press, and then ten years later we're all sitting around driving the same shitty gas hogs and pandering to Arab terrorists while muttering, "Whatever happened to that dick who invented the algae oil?"

Happy Thanksgiving America
It might not seem like it sometimes, but there are some things to be thankful for. Here are a few that come to mind. Out.

Hi Ho. Hi Ho.
There's a FLASH version of the 'Gymkhana' flick here available elsewhere if 16MB is too big for ya... I got this from quite a few people, but here's one spot.

Capitalism and Free Enterprise vs. Socialism and Welfare
Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength. --Arnold Schwarzenegger

I figured this might be a good time to visit some fading Republican themes that have made up these Friday entries from the f'n get-go: guns, weapons of war, etc.

Find out more about the F-35 here. Find out where other Republicans will be traveling in early 2009, with fat F'n carry-on bags here. Adios.

All Hallow's Eve!
It's tough to top last year's Robot Chicken Halloween pieces... here and here. Happy Halloween!

This Babe is Whacked!
Some lessons of what NOT to do this weekend...

Parties and Celebrations
The incredibly clever work by Diesel here shows some great "Safe For Work" porn. Quality stuff. I also don't usually pass along the "inspirational" posters, but these were okay. Here here and here.

More Deadlines.
I'm publishing three different publications now, so it seems like there's a deadline every other week. So, this is quick and simple stuff. Adios.

Touch Too Much
What a colossal slutfuck this whole American corporate bailout is. Isn't this supposed to be a shining beacon of Capitalism and Free Enterprise for the rest of the world? Wow. In lighter news, the car thief and meth addict in the second flick is worth all four minutes and forty seconds of your time, but if pressed, I would highly suggest watching at the 2:15 mark. Ruch: Did you live in Canada for a while (3:15 - 3:42)?

Jib Jab Mish Mosh
Miscellaneous funnies - I'm on deadline, so that's all from me...

Aussies Need a Day Off, Too
From Dave in Oz, regarding the The Ultimate Pub on 09.05.08: "The XXXX (four ex) beer truck is legit, I’ve seen it. Clearly an add for beer, which originates in the Australian state of Queensland. Not sure of a US comparison, but Queensland is essentially a cross between California and Florida. There is a saying in Australia… 'Queensland, a beautiful place, a place God created - but why he filled it full of dickheads nobody knows….' The reason why the Beer is called XXXX is because Queenslanders have trouble spelling B-E-E-R!" Thanks for the info, Dave!

Graduated Head of Class, Majored in Kickin' Ass
American Football started last night. That's goddamn right. Last year's Fantasy Football Song was a good kickoff to the season. This year we'll do it just a little different - the Barry Sanders piece is a little long, and only true fans of the guy will be able to watch all that juking without puking.

Vacation Ends Tomorrow
Suddenly, this year seems kind of sucky. Funny how gray the skies turn when that vacation time evaporates. Why does vacation time go by three times faster than office time? These are the secrets of the universe I guess. It's a dog's life - and this week's theme as well.

Vacation Starts Now
Off to California for a week. Update should still happen next Friday.

Yep, It's the Sometimes Every OTHER Friday Page
But hey, it's better than the nofuckingfridayatall page.

Updates Schmupdates.
I really did update last Friday, but failed to upLOAD the page until earlier this week. Scattered sleep makes one do things they normally wouldn't. I'm putting up the elephant humor piece because I seem to get it once a week or so - from friendly folks who are delighted to pass it along. I haven't used it before because I quietly questioned the authenticity of the flick. Anyway, here 'tis.

Sleepy Time
'Till next week... <yawn>.

I Was Born My Poppa's Son, When I Hit the Ground I Was On the Run.
Another Beer Drinker and Hell Raiser hits the dirt: our son Noah was born last week; 8 lbs. 2 oz. healthy happy and wise. He's the loudest goddamn thing I've heard in a long time. Eight pounds of sheer volume. Sleep is just a distant memory; like a really good barbecue sandwich I ate a long time ago.

Nothing is Over Until We Decide It Is!
Happy Independence Day to the American viewers... most of us will spend this long glorious weekend drinking beer, cooking on the barbecue, and eventually, lighting fire to ass rockets (see last flick). I know we've done that one before, but it's befitting. The first movie you might have seen. More info about the complete project behind this here. Happy Fourth!

Have Another Beer Larry, She's Just Kidding
Thank you for the overwhelming concern to the Friday Page... I can appreciate that no one really cares if I'M okay or not, just where are the fuckin' movies? I love that about this page. Totally uncomplicated.

Garanimals
Cleaning some of these out of the inbox... the last one here is a bit hardcore. The dude with his melon butterflied like a leg of lamb is fine - just a little headache, I guess.

Get F-ing Gone
This first clip is explained as follows: second baby will be here in six weeks. High Command issued a new directive: the Z4 Roadster must be replaced by family car. I chose the color "Mercury Metallic" (silver).

Chop Chop!
Gotta go - will hold my miscellaneous musings over until next week.

Walk on the Wild Side
This first clip is long and large - this info about the fascinating piece: "Originally built in 1901, this walkway now serves as an approach to makinodromo, the famous climbing sector of El Chorro." Head to Wikipedia if you want more info. The Frontier Demo is pretty sweet, too. Out.

Saw your mama kickin' a can down the street so I asked her what she was doin'. She said, "movin'."
Missed last week because we was movin' - into a house while we remodel ours. You want life to suck like a shitty cup of coffee? Whip up a remodel of your home when your wife is 7 months pregnant and you're about 2 weeks away from Mercury-esque summer temperatures. Pick up all your shit and move into another house - a much smaller house - where you can't even get Tivo. Then toss in a hellacious work schedule, three new employees you need to train, and stir in general economic malaise. It's tasty!

Punched By a Girl, Cry Like a Girl
If this ever happens to you, and you don't offer to buy the video from your friend who is laughing at your newfound dental misfortune, you deserve the subsequent Internet stardom that comes your way. For more on the IED (full video), head here.

Burning Inside
Regarding the first flick - how a reporter can be impartial and abstain from thin-slicing the eyeballs out some of these imbeciles is completely beyond me. Rob Riggle, I bow to your power. Semper Fi.

Brief Friday
Once again, a deadline interferes with my Friday.

Just Walk Away and I Spare You Lives
What a puny plan. I had Road Warrior on Laser Disc (the big, dinner-plate sized things) and now I have it on HD-DVD - all I need now is a Betamax version.

It's All About the Laughs
I'm pretty sure the Crazy Talk Show piece is fake, and I really hope it is. The idea of that bunch of dumbasses choreographing that fine display of showmanship makes me laugh harder than the nonsensical shit they are doing to each other - except maybe the flying crane kick - that's pretty sweet sugar, baby.

Fun Fixings for Friday
Looks like "My Name is Bruce" has a fairly tight demographic, eh? If you're a fan of Bruce Campbell, then you should enjoy this one. Check out more at Bruce's site.

Is It Real?
There's been this rash of highly creative - and highly doctored - vids that have mostly hit the commercial market. I've put a couple in this Friday's submission. Seems that everyone wants to create the "WOW" ad that seals the deal immediately. Speaking of sealing the deal - how about that goddamn US Government issued gas mask in the Goat Movie? "We watched him for three days after the test - he's FINE."

The "I-Fell" Tower
PARIS - February 4, 1912: An Austrian tailor named Franz Reichelt ascended to the top of the Eiffel Tower to test his new Parachute Overcoat. At almost 1000 feet, the Eiffel Tower was the largest man-made structure in the world at the time. If everything was going to go as planned, Reichelt would "fly" or "float" down to the ground and then sell a shitload of parachute overcoats.

Judging by the movie that accompanies this historic 'jackass' moment, Reichelt himself had his doubts as he stepped up to the railing to jump. Perhaps he figured he had gone too far to back out - and god only knows what kind of bets he made with the boys in the bar. Since the movie is silent, we'll just have to imagine the distant voices below shouting, "C'mon Franz, you fuckin' PUSSY!"

Be sure to watch to the end, where you can see the "CSI" detectives of the early 20th century measuring the depth of Reichelt's impact crater. Indeed.

He Could Be a Fucking Bartender For All We Know!
The Rally video would be a lot better if the mountain was more of a target range. There are "cutesy" files here- had to get them out of my folder because I'm tired of looking at them every week trying to decide if I want to use them.

Shotguns!
Found the XREP - thank you everyone who helped out in the search. One of the videos about it is below. The shotgun in the second video - the AA-12 - is just fucking scary.

This Just In
Anyone know where we can find a video on the XREP shotgun? This one for one of the boys in blue who sends a lot of stuff our way. Any help is appreciated. Short on quantity this week - but long on quality. Your results may vary.

Mein Fuhrer, I can walk!
I love this first clip - it's a good wrap-up to the whole debacle that was the 2008 NFL Season. Regarding the last clip: a friend of mine who is on our local police force once told me this: "A fireman sitting under a tree in the shade must be hot, tired and overworked. A policeman sitting in the same spot must be a lazy son-of-a-bitch who should be fired."

TGIF / IFHM
You know what's great about America? Well, the Superbowl is okay, sure - but the BEST part about America is that we elect our own officials. We CHOOSE the people who are to represent THE PEOPLE of America. Sometimes these politicians turn out to be pretty good at what they do, but most of the time they are merely average at their jobs. Then, there's the elected asshole who just fucks it all up - and somehow gets everyone else at the party to drink the Kool-Aid and wait for the spaceship to come and snatch them off of Capitol Hill. See this first clip for instance...

Face the Thing That Should Not Be
The Superfriends pieces are not new, but the Super Rats from 08.11.06 are still funny, so here ya go. As a side note, the Way of the Gun has one of the best opening scenes I've EVER seen, dialogue-wise - as is displayed in the Superfriends piece below. Mahalo.

Repo Man's got all night, every night!
I knew I was saving a few of these for a reason - you might've seen them before, but finally a few new submissions kind of match up to them, so here there are.

Alcoholics Unanimous.
When Foster Brooks and Dean Martin got together, the assumption was that the boys weren't quite acting so much as just having fun. An interesting note about Foster Brooks: he gave up dinking to win a bet in 1964 (quite some time before his 'lovable lush' character surfaced). "Fellow made me a $10 bet I couldn't quit, and I haven't had a drink since," said Brooks. "At the time I needed the $10." It's rumored that Dean Martin was usually just drinking apple juice, although I find that hard to believe.

Roots.
Videos about idiots made this page what it is - so let's give them their due and showcase them and their kind in this Friday's list. From the people who brought you: No more in '04, Still alive in '05, Banging chicks in '06, Nothing else rhymes but heaven and eleven in '07... Let's Aggravate in '08.

MP3/WMA Treatment.
We'll finish this year with a single powerpoint presentation, followed with five audio entries that are worth a second listen if you've heard them before. WARNING: The audio files are probably Not Safe For Work - the good ones rarely are. Happy 2008.

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year.
You might've seen some of these before but they're all to help you get in the spirit of the holidays. It's just not Christmas without the Jackass Christmas Special from previous years - so to get you in the mood, I suggest you revisit that to kick it all off. Many thanks to all of you who sent in videos throughout the year - your assistance in keeping this page alive is greatly appreciated!

How do you wreck a Bugatti Veyron?
Is there anything better than watching the misfortunes of others? I don't think so either.

You never ask a navy man if he'll have another drink,
because it's nobody's goddamned business how much he's had already.
Good advice.

Dicks @ 219 m.p.h.
Three questions regarding the dicks in the Lamborghini blowing down the Loop 202 here in Phoenix. First, whose quarter-million-dollar-plus car is this? Surely it doesn't belong to any of the ball-lappers in the video. Second, how hard is it for DPS to find a gold Murcielago (or any Murcielago for that matter) registered in Phoenix? Third, what do you suppose the charges will be once DPS does find them?

Thankful for Fridays.
Thanksgiving - that holiday when everyone wears brown and eats a bunch of brown food. I'll likely skip next Friday and catch up with you in two weeks.

Honor A Veteran November 11.
Interesting - this first clip is almost exactly the same story I just coordinated for my community paper here in Arizona. Kids, school, the school adopting a military unit, Daddy coming home from Iraq to a grateful crowd at the school. Tears, joy, happiness, pride, etc. Hoo-wrauuughh.

You A Killer Anyway, Bunny.
Cleaning out the inbox on a couple of these.

Trick or Treat.
Regarding the IED video - info I found on Live Link and elsewhere seems to indicate this attack impacted Iraqi Army Humvees a few months ago. Cocksucking Terrorists.

Where'd You Come From, A Scotch Ad?
A couple of these I've received from quite a few sources lately - so figured it's a "high demand" item... speaking of high demand, take a look at 32 Hours and tell me you're ready to navigate. Running about a buck fifty, 'nocs hunting the horizon, scanners full of chatter. Makes a man want to get out and drive like a supercharged felon all over this great land.

Unzip Him Mister B!
Been playing a lot of Bioshock lately. It's one of the best FPS I've seen in a looooong time. I suppose it's worth all those sleepy days at the office from being up until 2:30 cruising around firing electric buckshot into Big Daddies. Our first flick is long and large ("That's what she said" - Michael Scott), and shows off some of the goods. The last flick, Vista Sucks, is a well-put-together piece. If you have time for only ONE treat today - that's the baby to unwrap.

The Things People Can / Cannot Do
The Killacycle guy is fine - he's just really sleepy right now.

Quick Dump!
You've probably seen a couple of these before, as I've received them from a few different sources lately. I apologize for the re-runs, but at least there's more entries this Friday to make up for it.

Random Acts of Inflicting Pain.
Go Pirates! Beat the Cubbies this weekend, bitches! Knock their dicks in the dirt.

We Are Skipping Tradition.
Yes - thank you for the reminders everyone that the football season has started and I left out the usual Friday flicks indicating this. If you still want to see said flicks, scroll down to last year's 09/08/06 entry - it's still there. In fact, the one from 09/09/05 is still down there too - making me think that as this Friday Page gets longer and longer, the whole concept of META tagging everything and organizing it into searchable categories is beyond my grasp.

Summer Fading.
Before you know it, you're going to be looking at Christmas lights videos.

Savor It.
Come back on 8/31 and enjoy yourself.

Four Months Straight.
This is a pretty good run for this page - haven't missed a Friday since March. BUT - we've got to break it sometime. I'm going to put in a few flicks for next Friday, and you can either watch it now or come back next week, but I'm not going to be around so I'll see you next time in September. These week's theme: The Mighty Prank.

Unusual.
So I'm using Bitorrent last week at my office to download some flicks. A couple GBs of stuff, no big deal. I wasn't going to go see these movies in the theatre anyway, I was thinking. How can it be illegal? I wasn't going to give you any money to START with and now I'm STILL NOT - what's NOTHIN' plus NOTHIN'?

So I get this phone call on my cell the other day and it's from my office ISP. They're saying that they would normally just shut my ass down and send me a letter, but since it happens to be my business that we're dealing with, they decided to cut me some slack and issue a warning. They even knew WHICH shitty movies I pulled. Jesus - FINE - you win. I'll send Hollywood a check they don't deserve.

Gook Stuff.
Do you realize that there are children in this world who are turning 21 right now - and this means they were JUST getting ready to come out of the womb when this movie was the big buzz in 1986? This makes me feel so freaking old. This Friday's theme: video games and other youthful stuff. Two of these vids are LARGE, as I was trying to maintain some of the quality.

"Be advised, we got zips in the wire down here." || "Roger your last, Bravo Six. Can't run it any closer. We're packing snake and nape, but we're bingo on fuel." || " For the record, it's my call! Dump everything you've got left on my pos! I say again, expend all remaining in my perimeter! It's a lovely fucking war. Bravo Six out." || "Roger your last, Bravo Six. We copy. It's your call. Get 'em in their holes down there. Hang tough, Bravo Six. We are coming cocked for treetops."

Guy Stuff.
The "Rick Monday" piece below is one I haven't seen in a while - thanks for sending it along, Senor Dewalt. I suppose you either love Tommy Lasorda or hate him - his appearance in this video is a strong motivator one way or another. For all of the global Friday visitors: flag burning in this country has long been a point of contention. Protestors feel that if we truly are the home of the free then we should be allowed to burn the very symbol that cloaks this country in everlasting freedom and inalienable rights. While this may be a fine concept in THEORY (though it is just a shock-value stunt), there will always be men like Monday / Lasorda who will advise you find some other way to protest, and I like to think that the majority of Americans take that stance, even with global affairs like they are today. Realistically, the video would have been better if all of the Dodgers starting face-stomping these fags, but...

"'Party's Over,' said the little girl."
Wife and kid return tonight from being gone for about a month. As nice as it's been flying solo for a little while, I really miss the missus and my son. In fact, at the store this evening a little boy about my kid's age went into a Stage Seven Core Meltdown in the bakery because his mother bought him a chocolate chip cookie. Turns out, he wanted the *M&M* cookie, NOT the chocolate chip one, so he just snapped. As the kid howled mightily at the worst atrocity to occur his short-ass life, I found myself longing for some father / son time with my little guy. Probably because I knew how I would've handled that shit - snatch the cookie out of the kid's hand, wing it to the other end of the store in an exaggerated heave (complete with emphatic grunting sound) and haul his ass out of there while delivering an in-depth explanation about entitlement. Yep. Can't wait to see 'em.

Me? Gone. More Vacation.
It's summer. Travel is mandatory.

Berserker!
And other movie / broadcast stuff you should embed for the weekend.

I'm On Vacation.
But I still had some time to drop some stuff for this Friday. Some of these you might've seen before - if so, just keep moving - there's more than one movie on this page. The new Will Ferrell short is pretty funny, I guess - if you like "Pearl" in this you'll love her in The Landlord (from 2 months ago).

Where's My Space Ship?
I was talking with one of my coworkers the other day about this first movie... see, we're in the DAWN of the computer age - and computers right now are absolutely freakin' stupid. 20 years from now we'll look back on these things like we look back on assholes who used to program in BASIC 20 years ago.

10 PRINT "YOU ARE GAY"
20: GO TO 10
... sweet.

My point is this: we all work our asses off 8-16 hours a day, clicking and clacking away on bullshit that we will be able to finish in eight minutes flat 50 years from now. When you look at this first movie, understand that these machines should have been doing this OUT OF THE BOX a decade ago. We all might as well have been born in the friggin' BRONZE age.

Ghost Rider - Caught?
I'm sure the globetrotting Friday Pagers can fill me in on what is being said in Swedish in the Ghost Rider movie... is he busted or what? The thing dims AWFUL quick there at the end, and you can hear that engine revving up - like Ghost Baby is about to hit the shit and get goooooone. NOBODY can catch Ghost Rider - right? Dude should just dump his bike and run for the fuckin' hills if he is being caught there - it's so goddamn ridiculous. Say it ain't so, Ghost!

UPDATE (06/22/07): From one of our Friday friends Lars (thank you!)- his interpretation of the Swedish commentary... According to the Police the insane driving is often inspired by movies like Ghost Rider. Where a motorcycle driver, among other things, drives the 42 miles distance between Stockholm and Uppsala below 15 minutes. This summer a Police unit spotted the driver from the Ghost Rider movie. The driver failed to stop at a traffic light and took off doing a wheelie towards the Nynas road in Stockholm. But this time the Police are lucky. Just a couple of minutes later the Police manage to surprise and apprehend the driver…

Language Barriers.
I have no idea what language is being spoken in the first flick, but let's just say it's French. It just makes the stereotype easier to maintain. Also, the "language warnings" are really just there as a courtesy - I fully expect that this will mean nothing more than you will TURN IT DOWN before you fire it up.

UPDATE: Thank you to all who wrote in to advise that the "Frenchies" are actually Canadians, speaking in their evil, Quebecian tongue.

Activities!
What you doin' this weekend? Anything this fun?:

Mental Condition: Extremely Volatile.
Okay - the first clip here is almost nine minutes long. I know it's a helluva long time to listen to pretty much ANYthing, so I tried to dress it up a little with some imaging. Time will fly right by as you listen to the systematic break down of mental healthcare in the United States.

The last clip this week is dedicated to all the furry creatures who have recently perished in the forest fires throughout America. Lots of good eatin' just gone up in smoke. Happy Memorial Day, Amigos.

If You Let Me Go, I'll Bring Back the Sun.
Regarding the Rude Wake-ups: the first one is a classic from a long while back - the second one is the most recent version we received. I've been on many bachelor party trips in vans that looked just like these - but I don't remember any of us having enough energy to shout.

Before Drifting Was Cool.
We all used to just haul ass around corners and let the back end break loose a little. Then we'd straighten it out, stab that accelerator to the floor and wait for hyperspace. That was all before the dicks in Hollywood started making entire movies about drifting. Yes - an entire 110 minutes of some inane drifting shit - with some faggot love story thrown in the mix. Just pathetic. And just what every little ricer fag wants to do... so enjoy the first flick this week, men of yesteryear - just soak it up.

Tips for Hosting Your Own 'Burning Man'
You need, of course, only a solitary tip: heaps o' fucking gas.
The "District 13" clip has one of the guys who is a favorite of the Friday Page - David Belle. I was pretty excited when I saw this clip - I figured this was the 'intro' to the flick, and the remaining 105 minutes were going to be nothing BUT scenes just like this one - just a non-stop action soiree.

When Krokus Opened Up for Neil Young.
I think I've finally figured out how to yank video from YouTube.... which is good. Some people send me links to videos on YouTube, which I usually ignore. In fact, I usually disregard YouTube as a general rule, because it can drive a person bat-shit-crazy trying to find a decent ass-kicking video that doesn't have some retarded teenager lip-syncing the latest Gnarles Barkley hit. That's the beauty of the Friday Page - I act as your benevolent editor, sifting through the heaps of dung to get to the shiny pearls of visual and aural pleasure. Enjoy the "Camaro Song" - a YT link my buddy Riemer sent to me about a year ago. Since the video / song was made - GM is indeed making a new Camaro.

We Need More Fridays.
I've received some pretty awesome Powerpoint files over the years. I don't put them up because I have no idea how many people have Powerpoint... but since Microsoft's reach seems to be pretty freakin' deep in the jar, I'm guessing more have it than not... plus, you can get the free reader here if need be. For those of you on terminals who can't download anything - well, that sucks, eh? Maybe you should find a new line of employment. Some positions in sharking may have just opened up.

Techies and Dweebs and GSXRs.
Friday Page Guy would like to thank all of you for the kind words and stellar accolations you've bestowed on him in response to the previous response about my non-responsive state. Kick ass.

Hey Asshole!
"What the hell man? You die? You're killing me here! You okay? What the fuck is going on here - if you don't post something soon I'm NEVER coming back! Just end this thing - take the goddamn site down if you're not going to put anything up." - just some of the e-mail I've received lately.

It would seem some of the Friday Page visitors are downright ornery when it comes to missing doses of Friday cheer. I'll save you all the trite explanations for my tardiness. Alright, let's get into it...

Damage Incorporated.
Jesus - a guy goes to work for a while and the next thing you know his hobby starts suffering. Thank you all for the great stuff - it certainly helps when you send me goodies. Have a great weekend - try and get outside and enjoy the fresh air. Try to stay away from the whole public intoxication thing - unlike our little friend in the second-to-last flick - and you have to watch that one to the end, by the way.

Video Generation.
One of the beauties of (low-quality) video cell phones is everyone is a director, of course. With sites abound on the 'net, we will always have submissions that showcase the sheer retarded behavior from those who relish in the simple concept of being "most watched" on fucking YouTube. We can thank these people for sacrificing things like eyes, spines, autos and entire kitchens, for our enjoyment.

The last video is long, but is the best one I've seen in a long time. I love the bridesmaid who is cracking up over the whole experience - she's the real keeper! It is worth saving until you return from lunch and hunker down for the final four hours of your Friday workday.

UPDATE: Bride is an actress looking for glory on the 'net... guess she got it. There was no wedding.

Drunken Savages.
The Keyword for the weekend: MODERATION. Try not to end up like these assholes.

Freaks and Geeks.
Sometimes I really would rather just sit around the house for a week or two and crank out stuff to put up on the Friday Page - I really would. I've got nearly a terabyte of shit I've collected over the years that I have all these wonderful ideas for - mainly compilations that I can put together to showcase and expand on my editing skills. Perhaps someday this will come true and you will be sincerely rewarded for your loyalty to the Friday Page. Until then, you'll have to settle for this...

Happy New Year!
I was unavoidably detained for the past few weeks - hope you all had a great ending to 2006 and are off to a good start with 2007. Right around Christmas, there was a Robot Chicken Marathon on the Cartoon Network. If you haven't yet seen this clever show, and you like the Robot Chicken skits below, you've got to set up your DVR to start inhaling these shows. Here's a mash of stuff - to make up for the extended absence - most are pretty long, but hey - we haven't seen each other in a while!

Jingle All the Way.
Remember the ultimate Christmas lights from last year? How about the Christmas Kangaroo from SNL? There ya go if you didn't see 'em last year. Here's what we have so far around here... and some other goodies that I just couldn't pass up, even though they aren't holiday themed.

Autos, Cars, Accidents, Mayhem, Carnage, Etc.
Yep - it's close to the Christmas and all, but I refuse to accept that - so we'll just keep going with the flow here (I do have some good holiday stuff cued up for the next few weeks, though). Top Gear is on the Speed Channel in my hometown - worth watching - three of the clips below are from them. Once again, thank you to all of you who take time to send in Friday Goods!

Jeez - I Missed Ya.
Yeah, yeah - so it should be called the "every OTHER Friday Page" eh? Okay - I'll tell ya what - I apologize for missing you. HOW will you have a good weekend like these guys? Here comes the rest of the reporter's necessary shit - and that's why I've been out - gotta keep the local news running, baby.

Catching Up.
You might've heard this first one - it's been sent to me quite a bit. Same with the Fattie clip - I'm kind of catching up a bit. The LeBrons are here because I think the commercials are clever - not everyone will agree with me, I'm sure, but in a world where most ads are "lost in the noise" this is pretty fresh.

Halloween. Pranks, Tricks, Etc.
Is there anything better than the prank phone call? When I was a kid, the first prank call I ever did was to the Operator (I didn't know any other numbers). When she answered, I spewed forth all of the cuss words I had learned from my friends in school. Like a fire hydrant wrenched open on a summer day in the ghetto, I let her have it all - which I thought was damn funny. Then she told me she was going to turn off our phone - and my pipsqueak mind could only envision the parental rage that would ensue if the operator was indeed capable of such power. But, I felt like she was bluffing - so I calmly said,
"You better not, you bitch." The telephone didn't work for two days. Happy Halloween.

I'll Give Ya Asthma.
I'm in the middle of deadline/production, so nothing much from me this week.

Have a Killer Weekend.
Here we go again - stunt jumps and other life-and-limb stuff. "Would this be the last stunt he would ever perform?" Well, I would say anyone who thinks they can jump a friggin' MILE in a Lincoln deserves snapped femurs and crushed vertebrae.
"Did I make it?" Well - what do you think, Kenny?

Longer Movies to Celebrate the End of Summer.
Yep - here's a few that I've been holding on to for a while - just waiting for the right time to set them free. Happy first day of Autumn today - I'm sure you're elated. I won't be here next week, so savor.

Blended Friday.
Was there anyone better than Tyson when he was in his prime? I don't think so. If the guy could've worked out whatever was ailing his brain, he could've been unstoppable. NO ONE could handle that uppercut he had - no one. Sorry for the delay getting this up - server issues. Happy Friday.

Football Starts NOW!
We do have some traditions here at the Friday Page - and now that we're looking at a much larger audience, I doubt that all of you are familiar with these traditions (unless you've bothered to scroll all the way through this log jam of flicks and read every comment I've put up). As of right now, my limit on traditions is two a year: First Weekend of Football Season and Christmas. This being the former, you will be hit with the usual annual two movies that signify to Friday Page Viewers that The Season has started. Football Season signifies the very greatest time of year - where the American Male can sit on his couch and watch every single goddamn game (thank you DirecTV & TiVo!) in high-definition on his 42" Plasma TV, all while screaming, drinking, eating pizza and farting up a storm. I don't much care for fart jokes - but the missus sure does, and if I want to sit around all day on Sunday watching football, I better put something up here to put her in a good mood. Cheerio, bitches!

Make This Friday Last. I'm Outta Here - See You September 8th
So let's say you decide to blow through all 12 of these entries over the next 15 minutes... does that make you a better person? I don't know. Here's what I do know: my ass is outta here - I need a vacation (yeah, I know that some of you think I don't do anything BESIDES this, but I do) and I'm taking it. Thank you kindly to all of you who have sent in as much stuff as you have - you know who you are (I always hate it when others thank people that way, but I am left with little choice here). I'll see you bitches on September 8th... feel free to buy me a drink this weekend and next (I'd like a Tanqueray and Tonic, please - no lime - just hammer that baby down and I'll try and absorb what I can through thoughts). Wraaaaaauuuuugggghhhh!!!! (P.S. - in case you were wondering: the answer to last week's question is: Artist: Lacquer / Title: Behind - thank you to Glenn, Tim, Chris, Benjamin and many others for the answer - it is appreciated).

Busy With Deadline / Production - So This Might Suck.
Someone wrote me and asked if I knew the music from the "Coast to Coast in Four Minutes" video a couple weeks ago - I don't - but if YOU do can you e-mail it to me? Thanks. Have a great Friday!

Mess Around. Everybody's Doin' the Mess Around.
Go home early today - you deserve it. Some of these are a little long, so here's my suggestion: watch all of today's flicks and then just walk right out without saying a word to anyone.

Double Dose
Due to circumstances beyond my control, last Friday was missed. Soooo... here's a double.

Gone Insane from the Pain That They Surely Know.
Ha-wraugh-wraugh-wraugh - WRAAAAAUUUUGHGHGHGHGH!!!!!!!!! <unleash hell>

Man It's Hot Outside. And It's Midnight.
Sometimes this town just amazes me - 116°F today - what the hell is that? So, "Al-Qaeda" from last week turns out to be a nice guy - sorry I ripped ya, mate. It takes a lot for someone to write what you did, so there's an entry in here for you - a little more realistic view of the shit in Iraq. Cheers.

Happy Independence Day, America.
Finally dug up that AC-130 footage from Afghanistan, as well as some other flexes of force.
Have a great long weekend - or whatever.

Ass Kicking!
There is a new icon at work here - if you see it means you may want to look over your shoulder and turn down the sound before firing it up. Sorry for any trouble anyone has gotten in before - I've got your messages and this seems to be a good fix. Many thanks again to everyone who has sent in clips - they are always welcome! G.

Happy Father's Day Dads
Still trying to dig up "Spooky" Footage - I know I have some good ones from Afghanistan. The third one up from the bottom of today's movies is a great classic - and while it's not the AC-130, it'll do for now, I hope. Have a great weekend and don't forget Dad on Sunday. G.

Memorial Day Weekend, for us Americans - Free Day Off
Well, whatever you're doing this weekend in your little slice of the world, take along a video camera and send me some footage if you're partaking in any of the following adventures:

You'd Think This Wouldn't Take Much, Eh?
I mean, it's just a re-design of the old site at a new url, right? What's the big damn deal? Why did this take me so long to switch over? I don't friggin' know. Sorry about missing everyone last Friday - hopefully this will make up for it... oh - HIT CONTROL-D NOW TO BOOKMARK THE NEW PLACE HERE... do not return to the old spot ever again - pour out your forties, as that page will be dead soon.

Ghost Rider's Outta Here (Last Ride)
So, did the Ghost Rider get married and have kids or something? What gives? Why the "last ride"? I imagine he told the missus he'd wrap it up for her... I can hear him in his broken English:
GHOST: Zees is last ride.
WIFE: When you comin' home ghost? Kid needs a bath, tough guy.
GHOST: Don't ask stupid question. I go 600 mph on Hayabusa Turbo - nearly go back in time, to before we met, so I don't have to meet you again.
WIFE: Yeah, listen, fuckin' rent's due, so why don't you haul your ass into a J.O.B.?
GHOST: You ask stupid again. I. Am. Gone. Ghost Rider is Gone. There is no Ghost.
WIFE: Kid gets washed in 30 minutes - you better be here.
This certainly explains Ghost's determination. And 200 mph+ wheelies.

Super Freaky
Okay, we'll start off with the freak of the week. My sis-in-law, we'll call her "E", is directly involved in this first movie. Might not mean much to you - but her apartment is DIRECTLY ABOVE where this incident happened. As she put it: "I sat around all day eating my Chipotle and watching movies, while a recently hacked-up, dead body was rotting directly under my living room." So, "E" does not live there anymore - she vacated that place within hours of finding out this news. If you watch the show "48 Hours" on A&E, you might catch a glimpse of her in a future episode - we'll be sure to let you know here on the Friday Page when that airs.

Then, we'll roll right into what I consider the only useful part of this year's SuperBowl - finding more commercials to add to the "extreme" commercial collection. Sadly, out of these two, the first is the only one that I will acknowledge as a decent creation. And now, after editing it, I find myself wondering if it mostly sucks (except for a decent guitar riff, a couple of sweet drifts and a weak blend of a monster truck flying into the scene - and the sumo skulking down the street is good), and if it is just gay. See the "Harley" guys riding with our hero, Bob? GAY.

Sticking with the Monster Truck theme, we'll wrap it up with "A Monster Truck for Sister Wendy" - which was on Top Gear tonight and I thought you might find it funny. It's over 4 minutes long, so if you don't think the idea of nuns driving monster trucks (it is a bit anticlimactic, I'll grant you that) is that funny, you're free to go.